How To Put Your Budgie Down
| ANIMATION: ends with an animated woman going into a laundromat. Cut to the interior of a laundromat. Various shabby folk sitting around. Mrs Conclusion approaches Mrs Premise and sits down. | |
| Mrs Conclusion | Hello, Mrs Premise. |
| Mrs Premise | Hello, Mrs Conclusion. |
| Mrs Conclusion | Busy day? |
| Mrs Premise | Busy! I've just spent four hours burying the cat. |
| Mrs Conclusion | Four hours to bury a cat? |
| Mrs Premise | Yes! It wouldn't keep still, wriggling about howling its head off. |
| Mrs Conclusion | Oh - it wasn't dead then? |
| Mrs Premise | Well, no, no, but it's not at all a well cat so as we were going away for a fortnight's holiday, I thought I'd better bury it just to be on the safe side. |
| Mrs Conclusion | Quite right. You don't want to come back from Sorento to a dead cat. It'd be so anticlimactic. Yes, kill it now, that's what I say. |
| Mrs Premise | Yes. |
| Mrs Conclusion | We're going to have our budgie put down. |
| Mrs Premise | Really? Is it very old? |
| Mrs Conclusion | No. We just don't like it. We're going to take it to the vet tomorrow. |
| Mrs Premise | Tell me, how do they put budgies down then? |
| Mrs Conclusion | Well it's funny you should ask that, but I've just been reading a great big book about how to put your budgie down, and apparently you can either hit them with the book, or, you can shoot them just there, just above the beak. |
| Mrs Premise | Just there! |
| Mrs Conclusion | Yes. |
| Mrs Premise | Well well well. 'Course, Mrs Essence flushed hers down the loo. |
| Mrs Conclusion | Ooh! No! You shouldn't do that - no that's dangerous. Yes, they breed in the sewers, and eventually you get evil-smelling flocks of huge soiled budgies flying out of people's lavatories infringing their personal freedom. |
No comments:
Post a Comment